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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in psarah's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, December 14th, 2008
4:33 pm
After two people that I know on here posted entries after very long periods of time... I felt inspired to post something. I used to use this as sort of a timeline of my life, or something to keep track of that is going on for me, or a way to procrastinate when I was in school. Now that I am not in school and all recreational use of the internet for me happens at home... I just don't usually have time for things like this. In general, I haven't had time for a lot of things lately. 

This weekend, I got my cards read. It was my first time ever doing this, and it was great. Basically, the reader told me a lot of really accurate things, and some things that were really random. For example, that I need to talk more or work on my relationship with my dad. That sort of makes me paranoid, because it's not like there is something wrong with my relationship with my dad, per se. But the accurate part is that I always put myself last. I am surrounding myself with people who suck energy from me at work and, in some cases, in my friendships. At work, the nature of the job is that people are all wanting things with me. I just need to realize that not everything has to get done immediately and create some balance in my work life and personal life.

I am looking forward to having a break for the holidays and sort of starting fresh in the New Year. I am also going to join a gym because memberships are always on sale in January. I am also going to start getting massages semi-regularly from my hot friend who is a mentor at my work. So, the theme for next year will be doing things for myself, taking care of myself, etc. Because that way I will still be able to do a good job taking care of other people in my life, and not burn out in the process. Because I want to be able to do this work for a long time.

So that would be the summary of what I've been up to lately... I moved this summer, got a job that is full-time, permanent, salaried, etc., by degrees at Colorado Youth at Risk, the place I have been wanting to work since I started as an intern there a year and a half ago, And it is great, I love my co-workers, I love my job, I love the kids and mentors. It just can be a lot sometimes. And I don't love them all the time... like last night at our holiday party when there were not one, but two fights. Come on, guys! One of the fights was provoked by a girl who isn't even in our program but is a cousin of a kid in our program and apparently spent the entire night trying to start shit with one of the girls I specifically work with in one of my programs. Too bad there were like 200 people there and I didn't know any of this was going on! Apparently, girl fighting is the new black. It seems like lately, all the gang drama and physical fighting drama has been becoming the role of the girls, not the boys. Maybe it's a social trend. Sometimes I feel like my job is like when they have that talk with the girls in "Mean Girls," except the girls involved have no problem punching each other in the face and/or are gang-affiliated.

But, for all the drama-filled cases, there are really inspiring young people who make me really understand why I am doing this. One of our kids is so amazing, working so hard, always coming by the office to help me with things. It snowed one day last week, and he didn't have enough money for bus fare, so he walked all the way across town - he lives at least 5 miles away from the school - to get to school. Some of the volunteers and mentors from our organization wrote a letter about him to a local radio station for their "Christmas Wish" contest. They gave him a bunch of gift cards to get bus passes, an ipod, gift cards to get food for his family... it was amazing.

So anyway, things have been busy. But good. My old roommate Sophie, who lived with me when I first moved to Denver, is staying with me right now because she is looking for apartments. She actually found one, but she can't move in until the end of the month. I like having her here, it's like we are roomies again! Today we are hanging out with some of my friends and having lentil soup and making gingerbread houses! I am also excited about the holidays and heading to North Carolina and then Maryland for the holidays. My parents moved to NC at the end of the summer, and didn't tell my grandmother. So I want to go visit her for the holidays, and hopefully I will also get to see some friends. My mom is apparently sick of driving back and forth, because in order to keep up the charade of "living in Maryland" while actually living in North Carolina, she drives back and forth a lot to see my grandmother. I just don't want to become one of those families who leave their old people shut up in a home somewhere on holidays. That is not ok with me. So the day after Christmas, apparently, we are going up there to visit her. I don't know how long I'll be up there, but I'm hoping to make it a couple days so I can also squeeze in some time catching up with a few friends. So we'll see how that goes.

I am also going to be in North Carolina, boonies North Carolina, at the beach in the winter... for New Years'. Not really excited about that. But I suppose that will be a good exercise for me in not being so busy. It's complicated, but for a training program I am doing for work, I had to ask people what they didn't like about me, or what they thought I could work on as a person. My parents both said, independently, that I am always too busy and never take any time to myself. Which is something I am aware of, and I think it's not something that is as true for me as it used to be when I lived with my parents... but it still shows up for me in different ways in my life. So maybe some time just being with my family and not feeling the need to constantly be going somewhere or doing something will give me an opportunity to work on that. Related to that, my boss believes that the way that I speak, the way that I am with people, and just all the busyness and distractions I have going on in my life, are all to draw attention away from myself and the fact that I am not confident and ok with who I am. Which I think is, again, not as true as it used to be, but still present for me.

So, this has been a good year, but I'm excited to see what is possible and what opens up for me in the New Year! I know it's arbitrary, the whole New Year concept, but I do like using it as a marker to consider the passing of time. 2008 has been a year of big changes for me, for my family, for this country, for the world... A lot has happened. I graduated with my MSW, took an intense self-exploration class, got a job I love, asked out a bunch of men, moved twice, watched friends leave town, made new friends, welcomed friends back to town, discovered that nothing is wrong with me... learned that just because I know that doesn't mean life is easy... laughed, cried, freaked out, relaxed, had a lot of fun!  It's been quite a year. Anyway, that's about all I've got for now.

Current Mood: hopeful
Friday, February 29th, 2008
8:39 am
it's finals time...
Ugh, I am so over school this quarter. The next 2 weeks are going to be a struggle. So, to start off my "working" on papers today, I am going to do a survey a friend of mine posted on Myspace. Very productive, I know. Also, sorry, but I don't remember/maybe never actually knew how to do lj cuts. You might just have to scroll past if you don't want to read this. Which, don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't.

Well here are 55 I guarantee you've never answered. (Or so they say!)

1. Are you taller than your best friend?
Yes, I am taller than all of my friends!

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
I like those ones that are like gel roller pens or something.. not that I have any of them anymore.

3. Look at your planner for March 7th, what are you doing?
Working at my internship, going to South High School to meet with kids... doing other internship things.

4. What color are your toe nails usually?
Red right now, it varies.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
I don't even know. I have given up on highlighting or underlining, because if I do that on anything, I end up highlighting way too much and it defeats the point.

6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom?
No curtains, just white shades with some pieces missing.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
No, never had any cat.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
My credit card bill.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
As a matter of fact, I do because Carrie, a girl I know from high school, and her husband Sid just moved there. Although I believe they are still on their honeymoon, but they live there.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
It's been a while since I got cash from the ATM. I got it from the Wells Fargo in Cherry Creek the last time I can think of.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
Cristal, one of the kids I work with, I held her baby the day after he was born. That was a few months ago. It's sort of sad that most of the people I know with babies are teenage girls I work with at my internship.

13. Can you spell well?
Yes, I make a point of it.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
No, only mint, none of that orange or cinnamon bullshit, I am a traditionalist with toothpaste.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Same car as now, Black Honda Accord... still has Maryland plates...

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators:
I guess the Gators... I know some people who are big Gators fans, I personally don't care too much.

17. Last time you went to an amusement park?
Wow, it's been a long time. The last time was when I went to the Busch Gardens in Tampa with my sister the summer after I graduated, so almost 3 years ago. It also sucked because it was super crowded and hot as fuck.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
No, just painted walls.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
The yellow piece of paper that says "Pay your tuition bill, bitch!"

20.Last person you gave a business card to?
Hmm... Probably Diane's roommate Kelly, she's interested in becoming a mentor.

21. Most shocking thing you've heard this week?
I wasn't shocked per se, but a little surprised when my supervisor from my internship basically told my DU field internship representative that they really want to hire me.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
The picture of my Maya Angleou poetry class at Wake, it's on my coffee table.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
MMMMmmmm! Martha cooked me a sweet ass lasagna for when I was dogsitting for her last week.

25. How many emails do you get in your inbox daily (excluding spam)?
Probably 7-10 in my work one, and 10-12 in my personal one... some of which relate to my internship.

26. Last time you received flowers?
A really long time ago. I'm trying to remember... I guess when we used to get flowers during Americorps.

28. Do you play air guitar?
Sometimes, when I am rockin out!

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Not much of a coffee person, if I have coffee... it has to have a shitload of cream and sugar and flavors and shit to cover up the coffee taste.

31. Do you own any Willow Tree figurines?

32. What is/was your high school's mascot?
Glenelg Gladiator... I used to know the guy, Scott, who dressed up like the mascot. I wonder what happened to that dude after high school.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
I talked to Brooke on gmail chat the other day... I also talked to Kelly a couple weeks ago on the phone. I think that's it.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
I mostly just use soap. I don't think I've used hand sanitizer since I went hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Yeah, that would be fun. I was talking about that exact topic with my mentee's little sister last night at my mentee's band/orchestra concert. She also wants to learn to play the drums.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
White, missing a few strips.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
In an actual newspaper, I don't even know? In an online newspaper, I was reading a travel article about going to Lisbon, Portugal, which is a place I went when I was in Europe, and I liked it.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
I've never been to a real pageant. There were fake pageant-ish things for guys, in college, called Mr. Wake Forest...

40. Where is the last place you bought pizza from?
I have an entire free pizza from Papa John's in my fridge that I got from a meeting of a club at school... I had some Pudge Brothers Pizza with Jen and Pedro, but Pedro bought it and didn't let me pay him... I guess the last pizza I bought was from Blackjack for my event for my residents, but I got reimbursed for it.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
I had some of those plastic tiaras back in the day... I also made myself a tiara for my She-ra costume..

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Copies of my IFEP (Independent Field Education Plan, aka what do you want to learn at your internship) for my meeting yesterday.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
Yeah, I did back when they made it. For some reason, I remember thinking it was cool, even though I didn't really like the taste of it, or of Pepsi in general that much.

44. Are you ticklish?

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
Jeez... hahah, actually, this is funny. One night in January, I was walking back to my friend Jen's house after we had gone out for some Thai food, and first of all, the sky started thundering. It was already snowing. It freaked me out because I thought there was no thunder allowed in the winter, you know, laws of nature and whatnot. THEN, we look up in the sky over this alley, and somebody had just lit off a firework! What the hell? It was crazy, we thought we were going insane.

46.Last time you ate Krispy Kreme donut's?
Damn. Forever ago. Probably haven't had Krispy Kreme since I visited people in Winston the summer after I graduated from Wake.

47. Last person that im'd you, and you actually responded?
I don't have IM anymore, I use the google chat, though. And that would be Brooke.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Hmm... Carport... the only carport I can think of is the one that Lindsey's parents used to have at her old house in MD... And the last time I parked under that was probably sometime in college when I was home for a break.

49. Do you have a black dog?
My parents do, Razzle is black and tan.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
Hmm... I don't know, my friend Martha at my internship has pretty eyes. Also, back in the day, when I had a crush on "Hot Mike Darling"... one of the things I was drawn to was his eyes, they are really pretty. I saw him on facebook and asked him to be my friend, but he hasn't accepted my friendship... sad, facebook friendship is so significant, you know!

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
Probably yesterday on the highway driving back from my mentee's concert.

54. What is the last song you belted out ?
Last night I was singing "Cornflake Girl" by Tori Amos

Current Mood: aggravated
Sunday, January 20th, 2008
10:25 am
A New Year, indeed
This week has been crazy as hell! On Monday, I found out that I got the RA job I applied for down at DU. Which is great, the place is bigger than anywhere I've lived since I've been in Denver and I am just going to be in charge of other grad students. I thought I was going to have undergrads, but I am relieved because grad students will be way lower maintenance and offer more potential for meeting new DU friends. Other sweet things about this new gig include free rent, free food card money, and the ability to walk to class and the light rail. So that will be great. Also, my official last day at Liks was also Monday. So ends that chapter... I will miss some of the people, who I will hopefully still get to hang out with, but I will sure as hell NOT miss the actual ice cream scooping.

However, with this new job comes the daunting prospect of moving AGAIN. I will have lived in my current place for only 4 months. I hate moving! I am halfway packed up, but I can't start actually moving anything until the girl who lives in the apartment I will be taking moves out. I have no idea when that is. Sometime in the next week. So I guess I will do my main moving of furniture and such next weekend... Unless they expect me to start doing work this week. I hate moving and I hate asking people to help me move. But it will take me forever if I move by myself. I don't know, I guess I will figure all this out on Monday or Tuesday.

Other crazy things...

Thursday was super intense. I started off having a crappy day from when I woke up... and then I went to supervision for my internship. My supervisor made me cry. Not in a mean way... she just asks these questions that I can't answer and is more perceptive about me than I am about myself and it freaks me out and I start crying. This has happened twice. Most people I know have never seen me cry once. But I am working on being ok with crying and letting people seeing me cry.

My supervisor keeps telling me that I should do the Landmark Forum, which is basically an intense self-reflection, deal with your problems, learn to express yourself workshop... If that makes sense. It is similar to what we do with the kids and mentors at Colorado Youth at Risk, but more intense and it costs $485. Because of this new job and the money I will be saving, I am going to do that in March, on my spring break. I think it's going to be awesome, and I'm not sure if I explained what it is that well, but everyone who does it gets so much out of it.

Also on Thursday, I went to the strategic planning retreat for my internship, which was awesome and they talked about how they hope to hire 2 new program managers for the programs they want to launch next fall. I hope that everything works out with that and maybe one of those program managers is me. I got so excited about what we are doing and realized how great everyone there is and how much I don't want to leave there. So maybe I won't. It's hard to say for sure, but I feel hopeful about that.

So I have big plans for the next few weeks and months. It might get to be a little too much sometimes, but I'm excited. It's a good time for a New Year.

Current Mood: determined
Saturday, January 12th, 2008
11:13 am
In the spirt of making lists of things to do before you die...
Due to other people doing this, whether it be on movie previews or livejournal, I felt the need to make a brief list of some of the most important things I want to do before I die. Or maybe I just want to avoid trying to get a jump on my reading. Maybe I'll add more to this in the future.

The List:

Found or co-found my own non-profit
Complete my Masters' of Social Work
Travel to:
Australia and New Zealand
Latin America, especially Mexico, Ecuador, Peru, Brazil, Argentina and Costa Rica
Mozambique, either with my sister or to go visit her
Easter Island
Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
Climb a 14er (for non-Coloradoans, this means a mountain above 14,000 ft)
Go up in a hot air balloon
Fall in love
Have a song written about me
Learn to shoot a small-scale short film or documentary
Learn to use a pottery wheel
Ride a horse on the beach
As a post-retirement or part-time job, lead nature walks at a state or national park or lead ghost tours
Testify before a legislative body
Write and publish something anonymously
Make a profound difference in someone's life

When I die, I would like people to be happy that they knew me and hopefully feel like I made something a little better for them.

Current Mood: blah
Friday, December 7th, 2007
8:16 am
i had a dream of a new american language, you know, one with a little more spanish
so i've been on break from school now since Thanksgiving, which has really been nice. or really, before Thanksgiving. i've still been busy with work and my internship, especially with my internship. but it's nice. i have time to do more things now. it's also been really good to have a social life again. this week, i have done fun things with my friends two nights already and this weekend i am going to the mountains to celebrate my friend Amy's birthday... yes, actually spending time with your friends is fun! my life had gotten a little out of balance during the school year with school and my internship and all that. i didn't have time for things i needed to do. so i really needed this break. like today, i am just going to get shit done that i need to get done. and maybe play some basketball and get things ready for this weekend. and read books. i missed reading books voluntarily.

anyway, i am also really excited about going home for the holidays. i haven't been home since this time last year, which sucks because i miss my friends and family there. but this year i will have a chance to spend a decent chunk of time there and hopefully get to see everyone i want to see. i'd better not get snowed in in Denver this year! i wish my sister could come home for the holidays, but the timing of her first year in the Peace Corps doesn't work for that. it's cool though, i can call her and such.

home might be a little crazy with my mom still recovering from knee replacement surgery and my grandmother thinking i am 4 years old... but it'll be good to see them. yeah, my grandmother is getting Alzheimer's and thinks that i am 4 years old but also my own age. maybe a month ago, she thought i was 4 years old and i was lost so she called 911. my mom thinks it must have to do with something that happened to her when she was 4 years old, because my grandmother mixes my mom and i up a lot. but that should be interesting. it's funny, but sort of sad at the same time. my mom also thinks that when i say my grandmother could benefit from counseling, that i am going to provide counseling for her. rule #1 of social work: don't be a social worker for your own family! but maybe what i can work on is lining her up with some services in the area. it's odd that i would know exactly where to refer her if she lived here in Denver, but i have no idea what's available in the community where i grew up. that's one thing that's weird, is the way i know a whole lot about the non-profit community in Denver and the greater metro area here... and i know some things, but a lot less, about things in the DC/Bmore area.

anyway, i am looking forward to many upcoming adventures here and back home... highlights include: birthday party action in Breckenridge for Amy, office Christmas party for my internship, Bel Biv Devoe and Coolio in concert!, Holiday party with the mentee and mentor community, going home!, other exciting activities there such as going to see the All-Mighty Senators, Legwarmers, and Citizen Cope (each on different occasions), and also, i am in the market for some awesome New Years' plans in the DC/Bmore region... anyone? word. so this was all probably pretty boring to you... i need to add more entertaining stories... hmm...

here's an entertaining story: last night i went to Chuck E Cheese with my friends Jill and Zach and Zach's brother and his little girl, who is 3 and is hilarious! it was a belated celebration of Jill's birthday so we wore awesome dinosaur party hats and had the full Chuck E Cheese experience. however, Chuck E Cheese was a lot more high tech than it used to be back in the day when i went there. for example, they still have the singing and dancing animatronic characters that are generally creepy, yet amusing. however, now, along with the dancing animals, they have music videos! the ones they have now are all Christmas themed and feature Santa Claus, Dora the Explorer, Veggie Tales, and high school dance groups. they also had a whole segment of Chuck E Cheese going skiing and snowboarding! i want to know how a person gets the job of putting on a Chuck E Cheese head and some skis and performing in a Chuck E Cheese video! or how do they pick the people who provide the singing voices of the Chuck E Cheese band members? it must be a huge resume booster! anyway, ridiculous! i recommend going to Chuck E Cheese as an adult. if you go in with very low expectations like we did, it will definitely surpass them.

hahah.. ok. now, i'm going to do laundry, christmas shopping, and cleaning! yay!

Current Mood: chipper
Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
8:02 am
I had a really interesting conversation last night with one of my co-workers at the ice cream store about trying to decide and plan your life. Sometimes I get these ideas sort of set in my mind about what I think I want to do. Before I started school and my internship this year, I thought I had this whole plan to move back home to the B-more area after graduation. Go back to what I know, if I even know it any more.

But now I am getting so attached to my internship organization and the work and the kids and the staff and I keep hearing rumors from all sides about how they want to hire me. People keep asking me when I graduate and what I want to do... like they are trying to see if I will work there. And some have directly told me that if things work out with funding they want to offer me a position. Which is amazing because I feel like I've been meant to do this all my life. The kind of work we do with youth is so amazing. I have trouble explaining it to people who haven't experienced it. Last weekend when we took the youth and mentors to the mountains, I really felt like this was right. This was the person I've been waiting to be. I've always been a little afraid of showing too much emotion or actually expressing things, just like the kids we work with. A little afraid to trust completely. But the way all the mentors and kids are with each other, the way they form a community, the way they take care of each other, it inspires me.

So maybe my plan won't really turn out the way I thought. Maybe I'll get to do this work that I love and stay here in Denver. And I'll still miss home, but maybe home will start to exist for me here. Or maybe I will end up moving back to Maryland. But I guess I just have to stop worrying so much about planning my life. Having a 5-year plan sounds like a good idea, but I'm pretty sure life doesn't actually work like that. Maybe one day I will be able to follow in the footsteps of my supervisor and start a program like this back in Maryland. She actually began this organization after having an experience with this work in Phoenix. Besides Phoenix, the only other place they have a similar organization is in New York. One day, once I've learned enough about how to do it, maybe I can create a Maryland Youth at Risk (or maybe make a better name)...

Who knows. But I'm starting to be ok with the fact that I'm just going to have to wait and see how it all works out and comes together.

Current Mood: optimistic
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
9:02 am
a little freaking out is good for ya!
I don't really have time to write this, but I wanted to because I haven't written anything non-school-related since... probably my last post in here. This week and next week are going to be apeshit! This week involves school group project crap and putting in a ridiculous amount of hours at my internship. And maybe going out for Halloween... except that first I have to work until close at the ice cream store. So maybe not.

At my internship, we are taking 36 kids and roughly the same amount of mentors up to the mountains for Friday-Sunday to begin our new mentoring program. And the kids, I love them already, but they are going to be difficult to work with. Because the school we are starting the program at, Manual High School, is in a neighborhood that has a very high poverty rate and because the schools that feed into it are really struggling... the high school freshman act like 5th graders and read at about that level. There has been a lot of local and national media attention about what Denver public schools is trying to do with this school, which is starting brand new after having to be closed last year due to extremely low enrollment and performance. It's really interesting to see the new models they are trying out at this school and also to be in on the ground floor of trying to affect the school culture. That's one thing we really work with mentors and students on, creating a sense of community and building leadership and communication skills that can be taken back to schools. Anyway, here's a good article about Rob Stein, the principal we are working with, and Manual High School:


And I'm sort of supposed to help be in charge, but I probably know about 50% of what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, everyone else knows what they're doing, so I'm sure it will be ok. But I still wonder about the whole thing... Also, once I get back from the mountains, all my professors will have finally given out the take-home finals that I have to do for next week. Also, next week is the big fundraiser for my internship organization which I am also helping put on and inviting people to come and sit at my table with me and my mentee. Anyway, craziness! And then the next week is any remaining finals and then break! Yay break! I think I'll really need it this time ! Wow, I am wondering if any of this even made sense to anyone but me.

And then I might have to move again in December.... Shoot me in the head! I hate moving! But it seems that my roommate has made up her mind to move because she met some chick in her program who wants to move into a house. And unless I randomly find someone who wants to move in with me here, which is doubtful, I will have to move with them. Because I am pretty much too broke to find a half-decent place by myself. And I want to move back to my old neighborhood but there is basically no way my roommate will look for places in my old neighborhood despite the fact that it is cheaper and closer to school. So they are looking in this neighborhood, and apparently went to see places this weekend when I was working. My roommate (who is not here this week because she is house-sitting) called me and said, what time do you go to work? Oh, the same time you do every Sunday? Well, we are going to look at places right when you are supposed to arrive at work. We'll let you know what we find. Have I heard from her since then? No. And I don't fucking have time to look for places right now, plus there is no need for her and this girl to look for them yet either because our lease doesn't end until December 15th. Why the hell does the lease end in the middle of the month like that?? I don't want to have to pay for 2 places in December, of all months, the month of buying Christmas presents! We had had a conversation about how it seemed like a better idea to just rent month to month when the lease ends because neither of us wanted to get into a long lease because she will be traveling this summer and I may move out of town after graduation... But now she has decided that it would be better to get a house. So there it is.

Also, my mom just had knee replacement surgery... which means she will be unable to walk a lot for.. a while. I expect all kinds of drama and fallout from the fact that this means she will not be the one doing everything for my grandmother. I guess this will make it so that my dad/no one is doing the stuff my mom usually does. However, my grandmother is in an assisted living place that does basically everything she needs. Mostly what my mom does is take her to church and doctor's appointments and fight with her. So I guess it's all good. It's bad to say, but I think Thanksgiving this year would be a lot of drama to handle without my sister being there... So I'm sort of glad I won't be going home for Thanksgiving. Christmas has roughly similar drama potential, but hopefully a bit less so because my mom will most likely be in better shape physically and be back into her normal routine more.

Whatever, I know it will all be crazy but fine and good and great and everything will all work out. All of it. I feel better. I really need to do laundry and/or homework.

Current Mood: blah
Saturday, October 20th, 2007
12:32 pm
pink hair!
I dyed my hair pink on the tips and with some streaks! I was actually going for purple, but it turned out pink! Why? Because I'm participating in a fundraiser for my internship organization, Colorado Youth at Risk, called Color4Kidz where you dye your hair a crazy color, and when people ask you about it, you explain that it's for an awesome cause and do they want to support you by making a pledge? It's really cool, I have my own little profile on the website, www.mustache4cash.org

It's funny, back in the day, I always wanted to have the balls to actually bleach my hair and then dye it a crazy color (dark hair doesn't work for bright colors unless you bleach it..) but I never did it because I figured my parents would freak out and etc etc... But I finally got up the nerve to do it because there was a good reason for it. It's funny, I feel like I'm sort of being a rebel, but sort of not because if anyone looks at me weird I have a reason and I can explain myself. Now that I am supposed to be a "professional," I am dyeing my hair pink to support the agency I work for... random, right? Good think I don't work at Social Security anymore. Although they are legally not allowed to fire me or not hire me based on appearance and they don't technically have a dress code... I think it might not have gone over so well there.

Anyway, since I just did the whole dye action, it still feels a little weird when I see bright-ass pink hair out of the corner of my eye :0) It's fun times, though.

Current Mood: excited
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
9:06 am
It has been a really long time since I've written in here. I don't even know where to start. I swear. My life has just been ridiculous lately. Seriously.

The new school year is craziness. My classes aren't hard or anything, it's just that I'm so busy with everything else. I've definitely gotten into the swing of school in the sense that I just do what I need to do and nothing more. That bothers me sometimes, that I am not putting as much effort into school stuff as I could... but at the same time, I am already confident that I know how to write papers and analyze and apply theories of social work. So maybe it's ok that I don't spend much time on any of it. Last year I was sort of scared that I wouldn't be ready for graduate level work or something. That was totally unnecessary. No offense to my fellow social work classmates, but I think I was more ready than most.

The thing this year that is not coming as easily for me is my internship. Not that it's hard, per se, either, just that it's sort of uncharted territory. First of all, I LOVE my internship. Colorado Youth at Risk (my agency, which runs intensive mentoring programs) is seriously one of the best nonprofit organizations I have ever seen. My supervisor and co-workers are amazing, and so is what they do with the kids. What we do is work with high school students, in partnership with different Denver public schools. The work is done based on a transformational model of change, rather than a motivational or informational model. Students and adult mentors are asked to really dig deep and change their ways of being and thinking about themselves. At first I was skeptical, because I am not really comfortable with all that touchy-feely stuff. But I am learning to be ok with things that might seem unprofessional or cheesy to other people. Being genuine and actually caring is more important than worrying about whether something you do has been studied and broken down statistically. My internship really focuses on being real and having a sense of safety and ability to be honest. For everyone, not just the students. As someone who cares a lot about what other people think and feels compelled to fake a lot things, it is crazy to realize that is not what it's all about.

So, in conclusion, my internship is awesome. I have a mentee, and she is amazing and inspires me. I am also getting to know a lot of other great young people who participate in the program. One thing about the program is that it is so busy. A staff of 5 plus me and another intern basically do everything to serve over 150 mentors and mentees. Crazy! That and our volunteers. This agency is amazing because they do things in such a way that they get amazing, talented, committed volunteers that stay with the agency for years.

So that is great, I love my internship, but it tends to mix in with the rest of my life a lot. I hang out with my mentee sometimes on the weekends. Or I meet with other kids and call them at night and at all sorts of random times. But I'm ok with that.

The other thing that is ridiculous is that I just moved. Last Sunday, this time, I was hassling around with renting a moving truck (I don't recommend Budget for renting trucks) and getting ready to move my large quantities of crap into a space about 1/3 of the size of what I was used to filling with crap. I am still working on storing and sorting out my clothes. I have too many clothes. I even gave away a shitload before I moved and I still have too many. I built a little drawer/bookcase/clothes storage thing yesterday. I was proud of myself for not fucking it up. It is still too small for all my shit, though. I need to get some of those roll-y things that go under your bed or something. Then I will cease to have boxes clogging up the floor of my room and feel like I am actually moved in.

This move really sucked. I like my roommate, and there are things I like about my new place. The interior of the apartment itself is nicer, for sure. It has natural light due to not being a basement. However, the laundry is around the back of the place and costs a dolla, and there is no nice garden patio, only a front porch that faces out onto a somewhat busy street and a construction site across the street. Mostly, I miss my old neighborhood. A lot of my friends still live back there, and although it's only a 10-minute drive, I am used to being able to walk to places and such. Also, it is lame driving to work at the stupid ice cream store. Because I used to live across the street from it, it really sucks to drive to a place that feels like home, but just to go to work and have to drive back to my new place.

But that will work itself out, and none of this is permanent. I'm thinking I will just live here until I graduate and then figure out my life. Because right now, I have no clue what will happen after I graduate.

So, that was good to actually let my thoughts out of my head for a little bit. I'll have to do this more often... you know, in all my spare time.

Current Mood: okay
Friday, June 1st, 2007
2:31 pm
Ella se ha cansado
de tirar la toalla,
se va quitando poco a poco telarañas
no ha dormido esta noche
pero no esta cansada,
no miró ningún espejo
pero se siente toda guapa
hoy ella se ha puesto color
en las pestañas,
hoy le gusta su sonrisa
no se siente una extraña,
hoy sueña lo que quiere sin
preocuparse por nada,
hoy es una mujer que
se da cuenta de su alma

Hoy vas a descubrir
que el mundo es solo para ti,
que nadie puede hacerte daño,
nadie puede hacerte daño,
hoy vas a comprender
que el miedo se puede romper
con un solo portazo,
hoy vas a ver reír
porque tus ojos se han
cansado de ser llanto,
de ser llanto,
hoy vas a conseguir reírte
hasta de ti y ver que lo has logrado

Hoy vas a ser la mujer
que te de la gana de ser,
hoy te vas a querer como
nadie te ha sabido querer,
hoy vas a mirar pa adelante
que pa atrás ya te dolio bastante
una mujer valiente
una mujer sonriente mira como pasa, ja,
hoy ha nacido la mujer
perfecta que esperaban
ha roto sin pudores las reglas marcadas
hoy a calzado tacones para
hacer sonar sus pasos,
hoy sabe que su vida nunca
mas será una fracaso

Hoy vas a descubrir
que el mundo es solo es para ti
que nadie puede hacerte daño
nadie puede hacerte daño
hoy vas a conquistar el cielo
sin mirar lo alto que queda del suelo
hoy vas a ser feliz
aunque el invierno sea frio
y sea largo
y sea largo
hoy vas a conseguir reirte hasta de ti
y ver que lo has logrado

Hoy vas a descubrir
que el mundo es solo para ti,
que nadie puede hacerte daño,
nadie puede hacerte daño,
hoy vas a comprender
que el miedo se puede romper
con un solo portazo,
hoy vas a hacer reír
porque tus ojos se han
cansado de ser llanto,
de ser llanto,
hoy vas a conseguir reírte
hasta de ti y ver que lo has logrado.

She has gotten tired
of throwing in the towel,
she goes little by little wiping away spiderwebs
she didn't sleep last night
but she isn't tired
she didn't look in any mirror
but she feels totally beautiful
today she has put mascara
on her eyelashes,
today she likes her smile
she doesn't feel strange,
today she dreams what she wants without
worrying about anything,
today she is a woman who
realizes her soul

Today you will discover
that the world is only for you,
that no one can hurt you,
no one can hurt you,
today you will understand
that fear can be broken
with a single hit,
today you will laugh
because your eyes have gotten
tired of crying,
of crying,
today you will be able to laugh
even at yourself
and see what you have accomplished

Today you are going to be the woman
that is happy just to be,
today you are going to love yourself like
no one has known how to love you,
today you are going to look ahead
what's behind has already hurt you enough
a brave woman
a smiling woman watch her pass, ha,
today she was born
the perfect woman they were hoping for
without modesty, she has broken the rules that were set
today she wore high heels so
her steps would be heard,
today she knows that her life never
again will be a failure

Today you will discover
that the world is only for you,
that no one can hurt you,
no one can hurt you,
today you will conquer the skies
without looking at how much is left of the ground
today you are going to be happy
although the winter is cold
and long
and long
today you will be able to laugh
even at yourself
and see what you have accomplished

Today you will discover
that the world is only for you,
that no one can hurt you,
no one can hurt you,
today you will understand
that fear can be broken
with a single hit,
today you will laugh
because your eyes have gotten
tired of crying,
of crying,
today you are going to be able to laugh
even at yourself
and see what you have accomplished

This is a song by Bebe, called "Ella." It makes me happy, so I translated it into English so it can make you happy also if you don't speak Spanish. Brooke sent it to me. She sent me so much music that I love. Yay! I am also almost done with my last final and then I am going to my friend's wedding up in the mountains! Yay!

Current Mood: happy
Monday, May 21st, 2007
1:32 am
things and stuff, stuff and things
hey there... it has been a while since i've written in here. things have happened. i went to florida and back for my sister's graduation, and had a minor life crisis due to my overall inability to handle my school, work, and internship the way i want to. but, i have made an executive decision to be happy and deal with things as they come.

also, some things have been resolved, and some will hopefully be resolved soon. first, i got an internship for next year. it's with Colorado Youth at Risk, a non-profit that runs a mentoring program. it should be really good, my supervisor is really nice, she went to DU also and my current field supervisor knows her. it's a very small organization, and they have a lot of flexibility about things i can be involved in. that's good because i want to be involved with clients directly and also do more administrative things and learn how nonprofits run.

i am trying to get another job for the summer. i don't really want to work at Liks all summer, so i applied to work at the Social Security regional office here. it would be sweet because it would be government pay, paid holidays, etc. however, it is taking a long time to hear back because they don't know if they will have funding for the summer. according to my mom, they got funding last week and should be hiring student summer positions soon. so hopefully i will find out about that soon and i can quit at Liks. either that or i will still work a day or 2 there and also at Social Security. i need to make money this summer.

other things... my internship ends next week. i am really sad to leave the kids i work with and everything there. i hope i can find time this summer and next year to still be involved as a volunteer. school ends the week after, which is good because think i am about ready for a break. my old roomie is visiting and my friend Patti is getting married that week also! then Meena is going to be in town! it should be a good way to kick off the summer. craziness!

i am also looking for a roommate, yet again. my friend Lance wants me to move in with him into a different place for next year, but i don't know if i want to do that. ideally, i would like to just stay here. but it's hard to find somebody to rent the other small-ass bedroom in my apartment. i HATE moving. i will have lived here 2 years in August, and that's the longest i've gone without moving since i moved out of my parents' house. so i may be moving somewhere else near here with Lance. he has a house in the suburbs that he wants to rent out to make some money, and live in Denver for a year. he's willing to pay more of the rent so i can pay the same as what i pay now, which is nice of him. i just don't know if i want to live with him because he's the most emotionally needy man i know. he will talk your ear off, repeatedly, about his emotions, his life, his house, his band, whatever. but i figure i can live with him, i can just go do homework in my room. or pretend to go do homework in my room. i usually don't spend that much time at home anyway. we'll see. i go through roommates like nobody's business these days. when my old roomie that lives in ATL now comes to visit, i am going to try to convince her to come back here and live with me. or just not allow her to leave.

anyway, things are kinda crazy for me... as usual. hopefully the bad crazy (scooping ice cream all weekend) will end soon and the good crazy (friends and weddings and hiking and fun things!) will begin!

Current Mood: sore
Thursday, April 12th, 2007
12:49 am

This link cracks me up. Thank you, Scott. I don't want to write my paper. That is all.

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
12:53 am
I'm having a minor crisis. Or maybe not a crisis, just a vague dissatisfaction with my life. I still manage to get really disappointed when things don't go according to plan, which is ridiculous because the current count of "things in my life that have gone according to plan" is at about 3. Maybe 0.

I didn't get the RA job that I was planning on getting for this summer and next year. They interviewed 8 people for 2 jobs, and I got the privilege of being an alternate, which means that if someone declines their position or things fall through in May, I'm in. Great. I felt very confident about the whole process, but apparently I am not as awesome as I thought I was. I think this is the first time I have not gotten a position I've interviewed for. Not that any of my previous jobs have been that fancy or highly competitive.

This throws off my grand life plan for next years in two ways. 1) Now I have to go through the drama yet again of finding a roommate. Or moving. And although I would have had to move either way, I will be having to pay rent now, whereas I would have been living for free if I got this job. 2) Now I have to find another job. I don't think I can take it much longer at Liks. I now work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and I think I will go apeshit if I spend the entire summer without going hiking or having a social life. Also, my boss stresses me out with his perfectionism, the sheer volume of people in there stresses me out, the new hires that don't know what the hell they are doing stress me out... I got this job because I thought it would be simple and not tax my brain while I am in school. I guess it doesn't really tax my brain, more like my nervous system.

Actually, I do have a plan on the whole other job thing. I am going to apply to work at the Social Security field office downtown. My mom has all the information on this, and it is a good deal with good pay, paid holidays, paid vacation, and other such "working for the man" perks. I was offered this job last year but had to decline because my AmeriCorps obligations wouldn't allow me to work soon enough. I think in some ways it would be a good experience and give me a better understanding of how things work in the system, because I had to deal a lot with Social Security working with my clients last year. I also think in some ways I might hate it because I will have to become that bureaucratic peon that has to be the bearer of bad news. Also, the inherent flaws in the system, the fact that people can't actually live on what they are given... At any rate, the whole Social Security system is another example of the dysfunctional nature of social welfare programs in this country.

Although social welfare systems in this country are inefficient and don't do enough for people in need, they are better than pure capitalism. I don't have enough faith in capitalism to allow the market to just work things out for itself. Because it would still create stratification and exploit people. So I couldn't commit myself to Libertarianism. That is sort of related to a post one of my friends wrote recently. I think Libertarianism is becoming sort of a "cool" philosophy lately, because in the past couple years I have heard a lot of people I know throwing the word around. Not that this is the case with the friend who posted about it, she is very well-read and intelligent and I am sure she fully understands Libertarian thought.

Anyway, working for a flawed social welfare program has better potential than scooping ice cream and gradually becoming more and more bitter about my job. As I learn about organizational management and human resources and structure and what have you in my classes this quarter, I realize that many of the organizations I have worked for are poorly run.

Anyway, this is probably boring you all terribly. It's boring me, too. Let's see... Oh, ok, one exciting and good thing coming up is that we are having a party at my house in a few weeks... The theme is "The Prom." It's going to be amazing. We are going to have spiked punch, elect a prom court, and play old school prom music.

Also, I am excited about my search for a new internship for next year. I have several interesting places in mind; a mentoring program, an outdoor experience program, a violence prevention program, and a charter school. So that will be good.

Also, I have new userpics! Also, Last.fm is amazing and I spend far too much time messing with it! It creates radio station selections for you based on what you like and other fun things.

I feel much better about all this now. It's all about convincing yourself that things are really working out for the best. Who knows, maybe they are.

Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
10:39 pm
This one's for you, Meena!
Hello, there! Time to update on my life and activities and not do surveys, because I do what people tell me to do! I guess I don't do real updates very often because I feel like my life is not very entertaining. I mean, it's all right, but I don't jet off to Hawaii and go to swanky DJ parties, or compete in urban design contests, or get married or go to other people's weddings... I feel like that is what most of my friends on here do.

So, what is it that I do? Actually, this week has been a bit more interesting than usual because it is my "Spring Break." The thing about spring break in grad school is that you don't really have one. I have two weeks off classes, which is nice, but I still have my internship two days a week and I've been working a shitload at the ice cream store because of several ridiculous turns of events. Ridiculous thing #1: my boss has decided it would be a good idea for himself, his wife, and his five employees to start running what is essentially a factory making thousands of pints of homemade ice cream to sell at grocery stores. Ridiculous thing #2: one of my co-workers, who is a little crazy, decided to up and drive to LA last Saturday night... and not come back. It's bananas, she was going to school, acting in a local play, her family lives around here, she had a job... I thought she was lying to my boss and just wanted to quit, but I know this girl, I hang out with her outside of work. I was trying to hook her up with my roommate! So I called her and she told me that she and one of her friends were stoned on Saturday night and "decided their lives were unsatisfactory," so they just drove to Cali.

But now, on to the interesting part of my break. My friend Brooke from high school, who lives in Boston now and has a real job with real disposable income, came to visit me! It was great! We did exciting things, I showed her attractions of Denver and the surrounding area.

We started her visit out right by volunteering at the St. Patrick's Day "Green Tie" gala fundraiser for the health clinic network I worked for last year. This meant dressing up all fancy and making sure no one stole the silent auction items. Apparently, last year some bastards stole the jewelery that was being auctioned off for charity. Then we got free fancy food and booze and watched these crazy awesome riverdance-type people break it down.

Then we went to drag queen brunch or "petticoat bruncheon" as they call it, which is delicious brunch at this restaurant where they have ridiculous drag queen waitresses that give dudes lapdances on their birthdays... or fake birthdays.

We also went hiking down near Colorado Springs and met up with my friend Patrice from Wake. It's always nice to see her, although Colorado Springs is sort of lame, and home to such exciting things as the Focus on the Family Headquarters and Visitors' Center. I kinda want to see what that place is like, but I think it would just make me angry.

The next day, we went to the Celestial Seasonings tea factory tour. They had all the different parts of the factory labeled. The best part was labeled "Tea Bagging." Brooke and I both have the maturity of middle schoolers, so we laughed a lot about that. I am laughing about it now. We also went to watch the hippies and yuppies in their natural habitat, the Boulder Pearl Street pedestrian mall. We got delicious mojitos with my friend Jenii, another member of the elite Wake Forest Colorado alumni crew.

We also hit up the Colorado History Museum, which I liked because it didn't gloss over how white people killed and exploited Native Americans and had an exhibit about women on the frontier and how they kicked ass and did what the men did, no little house on the prarie bullshit.

So that was good times. It was good to see Brooke, we have deep conversations about social issues and music. Ho co for life!

Other than that, I have a few potentially exciting things coming up, like looking for a new internship for next year, starting a new quarter, and also interviewing for a job for next year. It's an RA job, which means free room and board! Woot! If I can make that happen, that means more free time and little or no ice cream scooping for me next year. And maybe a trip back to Maryland this summer if I can afford it and it works out. But not when Meena's coming, because we are going to kick it when she comes to Colorado!

Ok, I think that's it. The Ohio State-Tennessee game is getting interesting, anyway. I love March Madness!

Current Mood: indifferent
Thursday, March 1st, 2007
12:53 am
This is an interesting little survey I found on ye olde myspace. It pretty well reflects the prevailing Maryland stereotypes and Maryland "culture" if there is one. Or well, the Maryland culture of people from central Maryland, or Maryland suburbia, at least.

Survey for people who live or HAVE LIVED in Marlyand.

1. City you were/are from?

2. Crabs?
hell yes! so tasty, but I hate those shirts that say "I got crabs at such and such restaurant"

3. What about the Beltway?
there are two. they both suck and involve traffic.

4. Do you go to Ocean City?
I have actually never been. that makes me not from Maryland.

5. Deep Creek Lake?
never been there either. I've driven by it, though. I suck at being from Maryland.

6. What do you think about Ehrlich?
not really a fan.

7. Maryland State Police - Maryland's Finest
they used to love to pull me over. stupid mofohocopopo... or just general MD popo.

9. Do you play lacrosse or know someone who does?
I'm pretty sure almost everyone I know does, or did. also, they write it like this, "lax." it took me a little while to figure that one out back in middle school or whenever.

10. Have you been across the Bay Bridge?

11. Can you use traffic circles?
yeah. although I don't think those are only a Maryland thing.

12. Do you think of LA when you hear the word "Pasadena"?
maybe the Beach Boys song, but I mostly think of Pasadena, MD... a friend of mine used to live there

13. Does your county have a police force?
yes, as I said, those bitches didn't really have much to do but pull people over.

14. Do you fly out of BWI more often than Regan National or Dulles?
yesh, BWI more often indeed

15. Is it Washington or D.C.?

16. Have you ever ridden on the Metrorail?
yes, plenty. I love the Metro

17. What does 695, 295, 495, 95, etc mean to you?
traffic, also.

18. Have you ever been to the HFStival?
yeah, I've been a few times. I went once the day after knee surgery. it was a great idea.

19. Do you complete every sentence with the word "Hon"?
nah, not really a hon girl. I'm not Bmore enough for that.

20. Do you know what a bar crawl is?

21. Bar golf?
yes, I thought these things were universal, though.

22. You've been here for the stupid, loud cicadas?

23. Does the Preakness mean anything to you?

24. Is the Inner Harbor a great place or what?
a little commercial, but it's aiight

25. You know what a terp is?
yes, Testudo!

26. Do you know someone who works for the Federal/State gov?
both of my parents, and everyone else's parents it seems like.

27. Do you know about the sniper?
I was there, at least for part of it... but most of the time I was drunk.

28. Have you ever seen a sign that says Believe and do you know what those signs mean?
yes, plenty. and yes.

29. Do you know where Ft. Meade is?
indeed I do, lots of my peeps live around there

30. When you order a soft drink what do you ask for - pop, soda, or coke?
soda, however I think this is the accepted phrase throughout the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast. only as you go South or West is it pop or coke.

Anyway, I am going to finish up my paper. It's almost the end of the quarter! Woot!

Current Mood: bored
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
1:09 am
i was tagged to do this a few days ago.. wouldn't want to disappoint!

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
in my house, on the couch, watching scrubs

2. Who will be your next kiss?
no idea... but i'm accepting applications... not necessarily from my friends on here, though

3. When is the last time you went to the mall?
hmm... i went to a grocery store adjacent to the mall last week... i went to the actual mall back in january

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
they are gray with black and purple stripes

5. When was the last time you went out of the state?
when i was home for christmas/new years ... so, also january

6. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

7. What was the last thing you had to drink?

8. What are you wearing right now?
long-sleeved t-shirt, jeans, socks and underpants

9. What was your last purchase?
hmm... oh, yeah, i got some tea this morning at the coffee shop where my group project group went to work

10. Last food you ate?
chips and salsa

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
a customer at work, ordering some french vanilla ice cream

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

13. Do you have a pet?
no :0(

14. What's the last sporting event you watched?
i guess the texas-oklahoma game a week or two ago.. yeah.

15. What is/was your favorite class?
i like my class on community social work

16. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
maybe visiting family or friends, or back in Spain, or traveling somewhere new and exciting

17. What is the last thing you purchased online?
i don't even know... oh, wait, i do. contacts. a shitload of them.

18. One thing you hate about yourself?
i try not to hate myself or others... i guess i get frustrated with myself about procrastinating or not doing what i should be doing

19. What's your favorite soup?
tomato, or this potato cheese soup deal that is delicious

20. Do you miss anyone?
yeah, my peeps that i don't get to see very often. all of them

21. Last play you saw?
hmm... i saw a ballet in the fall... the last time i saw an actual play was probably a year or two ago when i went to see Mamma Mia in DC with my mom. oooh, or last year around this time, if the vagina monologues is technically called a play. i like plays. that is sad.

22. What are your plans for the day?
take a shower and go to sleep. that is all for today, because it is night time.

23. Who is the last person you messaged on Myspace?
ouch! it may be for teenagers, pedophiles and losers, but it is also for me! in my opinion, myspace is an excellent time-wasting tool, similar to livejournal, facebook, and any other online shenanigans where you can read about other people's lives. and the last person who messaged me was a guy i was dating a little while back who i would actually classify as a loser and a teenager. despite the fact that he is 24.

24. Ever go to camp?
yeah, i used to hit up basketball camp, volleyball camp, girl scout camp, and just regular camp.

25. Were you an honor roll student in school?

26. What do you know about the future?
that if they don't stop with the president's day sale ads that involve people saying that they are "exercising their right to bargains" i will do something drastic

27. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

28. Where are your best friends located?
maryland, colorado, north carolina, california, georgia, florida, massachusetts

29. Do you have a tan?
nope, too cold!

30. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
i don't know if i want to have kids. maybe adoption. who knows? right now i can barely support myself, let alone any kids, so let's just say not until i start paying off my student loans.

31. Last person who made you cry?
i don't cry often. i make a point of it. in fact, i can't recall the last time i cried.

32. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
three in my ears... i've been contemplating redoing the eyebrow... but i don't know, all this professionalism they speak of here in the real world is cramping my style

32. Have you ever drank your pop from a straw?
haha pop! yeah, i guess, i don't really drink much soda anymore.

33. How do you like your pop?
i don't know... cold?

34. Do you like hot sauce?

35. Next time you'll take a shower?
once i finish this biotch!

36. Who do you like?
this is apparently middle school... and you know, i don't think i "like" anyone in particular right now.

37. What is your mood?

38. Are you someone’s best friend?

39. What do you want for Christmas?
to visit my family and maryland peeps again! preferably without the massive snow delays this year!

40. What are you doing right now?
yes, this question is unnecessary indeed.

so there, you tagged me all right, and i did it. now i am going to sleep. even in mountain time, it's past my bedtime. for some reason, my computer doesn't want to switch to mountain time so on east coast time, it is hella late.

Current Mood: cold
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
2:47 pm
first random derogatory comment ever!
I feel special... someone decided that they hated me solely based on my livejournal! Someone who, as Meena suggested, may or may not be British! hahaha!

Anyway, I always wondered if people really do go around looking at random people's stuff on livejournal and commenting on it, and apparently they do. And based on either just my last entry, or my collective entries, some person decided I am snobby and should be "sterlised" hahaha....

I guess some people put their posts as friends only when things like that happen, but I think I will have to just keep it public and see if I get more exciting comments about what is wrong with me.

I mean, I definitely could be a little less self-centered on this thing. Unlike other people I know, I don't usually post interesting academic/social justice/whatnot links.

I actually have been having an interesting debate with people in my classes about internalized sexism and racism and character attacks in relation to the hype over Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama as presidential candidates. It makes me sad when even some of the social-work-liberal-deconstructing-stereotypes women I know say that our country just isn't ready for a woman as president or that Hilary couldn't handle Iraq. I think the real problem is the way that strong women are demonized in the media and the way the whole Clinton marriage has been ridiculously dissected in the public sphere.

Then there's the whole issue of "Is Barack Black Enough?" I think that was even the headline of some article I read. Or "Is Barak a Terrorist?" Race is going to be used in all different ways in this campaign. A woman I was talking to thinks that it is easier for a black male to shed the stereotypes associated with black people than for a woman to shed the more deeply accepted stereotypes about women. And I don't know if that's true or not, but it's interesting to think about. To what extent are stereotypes of women and racial minorities backed up by "biological" evidence and to what extent are they socially constructed? In all my classes, we talk about how there is no hierarchy of oppression... and the point is not to claim that one group is so much more oppressed than others, but it is interesting to think about how representatives of different groups are treated in this context.

Personally, I think they should be running mates. That would be the shit.

Again, thanks for all the comments, the complimentary and derogatory ones. Makes it interesting.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Sunday, February 4th, 2007
11:41 pm
so, let's see. i am bored. i am almost finished with my clinical paper. i'm pretty sure if you wait long enough, everybody resurfaces in your life. also, it's a small world. in my life there has been a lot of evidence of that lately.

exhibit a) i get a call from my friend's boyfriend because he is throwing her a surprise birthday party. i haven't seen said friend in quite a while. i go to her party. i also see dude i was dating who stopped calling me who i hadn't seen for a while either. i meet another friend of hers, who as it turns out, lives upstairs from a close friend of mine in an apartment building three blocks from my house.

exhibit b) this is random, but i was at this spanish hipster concert called "noche de rock" and my friends were making fun of me and telling me to hit on this tall guy who had a gross beard... just because he was tall. then we start joking around and calling him "weirdo beardo." then, last week at the ice cream store, i was helping this guy, and thought to myself... hmm, this guy looks like weirdo beardo. nah, can't be. then he comments on the fact that i have spanish pop on in the store and tells me that if i like spanish music, i should check out this club that has a "noche de rock" ... "i was there last weekend, you see, my friend's band was playing..." it was weirdo beardo! it was all could do not to bust out laughing in his face.

exhibit c) i walk into this bar last night to meet some friends and who do i see but a professor from my school who i have drank with in the past because i rode with a friend who was in his class and got stuck watching him and his class get drunk and cry... because that's how social workers roll! anyway, my friend is in love with him...in the way that a female student is in love with a gay professor because she likes his class and him so much... and right as i see that he is there, she calls me and therefore i tell her that she must meet up with us and see her professor lover.

random. i have also decided that my life is most likely in a rut. i am vaguely dissatisfied with... something. i feel like i am always doing the same old shit. my time mostly consists of doing homework, going to work and being bored, going to my internship, watching scrubs or decisiones or episodes of buffy the vampire slayer on DVD, screwing around on the internet, doing more homework, going to bars... and then repeating it the next week. i guess that is not so bad, because i do enjoy most of those things. actually, i think my problem is the fact that it is so fucking cold that i don't actually have any desire to go out and do things, or do different things, or do things outside... this is why i decided i couldn't live in boston... usually, this time of year it is 60 degrees during the day here! also, for some reason... probably the global climate change that was caused by my car's emissions as i drove out here from maryland... we haven't had a week without snow in this town since before christmas!

anyway, i am going to go ahead and try to finish editing my paper. and probably watch scrubs. because it is on constantly and let's face it, i'm not going to get any reading done tonight. have a lovely evening. sorry about the bears if you are a bears fan. i'm pretty sure the only entertaining part of the superbowl was prince doing "purple rain."

Current Mood: discontent
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
9:20 pm
the sun's gonna rise
Hey there, Happy New Year! Yes, a little late, but what can I say? This week has been a big week, I rang in the new year back in Maryland, made it back to the Mile High City after a lot of delays and such, and started back with classes. I had a good time with my peeps back home over the holidays, and I got to see almost everyone I wanted to see. I missed a couple people, but it is that way every time. In the hectic pace of my new year so far, I haven't really had time to think about the past year. So I will do one of these stupid surveys... because Joslyn did it and I enjoyed reading hers. So maybe you will actually want to read mine. or not.

1. Where did you ring in 2006?
I was here, in Denver. Actually, it sort of sucked because I was hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know, except for Sophie and Amy, and we went out to this lame ass bar in LoDo and then we couldn't get a free cab or bus (Denver has free cabs and public transportation on New Year's Eve) to go home so we walked all the way from LoDo to our house. This walk is probably around ... 3 or 4 miles. So I was actually in sort of a poor mood starting 2006.

2. Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Indeed, I went back to skool and started my Masters' of Social Work at the University of Denver.

3. How did you earn your keep?
I had the skills to pay the bills! I was doing AmeriCorps and getting a living stipend from that, plus some major ice cream scooping this summer, and then I am still working there this winter, although right now is not really the height of the ice cream season... but hey, I'm a manager now...

4. Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
I went to an Urgent Care at the hospital, but it wasn't like I stayed there or was exactly in the hospital part... or well, maybe I was.

5. Have you ever encountered the police?
Yes, dammit, twice. Once when I got pulled over and got a warning for "swerving and speeding" because I had just picked Kelly and Scott up from the airport and was excited and lost in Cherry Hills on the way to free sushi that we actually missed because it was too late. It was hilarious, the cop said "I smell alcohol in the car" and Scott was like, "That would be me." Because he and Kelly had been boozing on the airplane. It was funny. I guess you had to be there.

I also got a ticket on 14th... that sucked. Other than that, we frequently saw the Aurora Po Po at events in the community (they gave me a sticker) and arresting people in the hotels we would visit for AmeriCorps.

6. Where did you go on vacation?
I went to Nashville for a conference and that was like a vacation, too. I went to California to visit Meena, and we were mostly in Berkeley and San Francisco. It was pretty sweet. I also went back to Maryland for Thanksgiving and Christmas and such.

7. What did you purchase that was over $500?
Nothing. I don't have money for things that cost over $500... or well, unless you count tuition payments. Yeah, I guess that does count.

8. Did you know anybody who got married?
Yeah, a shitload of people. Karen and Cason, Kelsey from my old hall, also Kristen from my old hall, Emily and Cole also from my freshman year hall, my boss Erin and her husband Seth, Meena's brother Raju.. people be getting married and engaged all over the place.

9. Did you know anybody who passed away?

10. Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with?
Yeah, we had a 5-year reunion, so I "ran into" a lot of people in my class there.

11. Did you move anywhere?
No, and it was AMAZING!

12. What sporting events did you go to?
Couple Rockies games, couple Nuggets games, I guess that's it. I saw MC Hammer do the halftime show at a Nuggets game! It was the shit!

13. What concerts did you go to?
A lot, the Flobots, the Calf Branders (both of them multiple times, we are groupies), Manu Chao, Full Belly (ah, Mark Anthony aka Lance), Ben Kweller, Steven Kellogg and the Sixers... hmm, maybe not as many as I thought.

14. Are you registered to vote?

15. If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
Yes, absentee stylie in MD.

16. Where do you live now?
Denver, CO

17. Describe your birthday.
It was good times. My sister was here visiting me, and my whole AmeriCorps crew planned a bunch of stuff for me, we went to get free sushi and drinks and dancing, and went karaoke-ing, I went backpacking up in Rocky Mountain with my sister, and Sophie snuck us into the Botanic Gardens for a picnic! It was a good birthday!

18. What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
I didn't think I would go skiing, but Sean made me... I guess that would be the biggest thing.

19. What is one thing you regretted this year?
Maybe not staying in touch with some people as well as I had hoped. And my lack of skills with men.

20. Any new additions to your family?

21. What was your best month?
I don't know... July was good, when all that birthday stuff was going on, so was whatever month when Kelly and Scott came to visit... I also really enjoyed December, going home, having some time off from class to chill, fun snow in Denver.

22. What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
I don't know, maybe ummm certain songs, like "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley or um... people making a big deal about celebrities like Tom Cruise and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton...

23. How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (horrible) to 10 (awesome)?
It was pretty good... maybe not my best year, but a good one... maybe 7 or 8...

24. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? umm, like I said, went skiing, went snowshoeing, lived with a boy roomie, went to Nashville, saw some new places, new bands, met new people...

25. What foreign countries did you visit? None. Sad.

26. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't know, lots of good and fun things happened, maybe whatever day I decided to go to the University of Denver... But I don't remember the exact date. Or maybe my birthday, because it was the shit.

27. What was your biggest achievement of this year? Getting into mutliple grad schools, getting good grades during my first quarter. Everything I did with AmeriCorps was a big achievement, as we were finishing, I started to realize how much people had appreciated the work we did.

28. What was your biggest failure? It sucked that I didn't get into Berkeley's school of social work... but they are #2 in the country.. Other than that, I don't know, I had some failures with dating boys, but it's more like they were failures...

29. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got a virus and that sucked a lot. Other than that, I was good.

30. What was the best thing you bought? School tuition, I think.

31. Whose behavior merited celebration? Umm... I don't know. My friends, because they rock my face off.

32. Where did most of your money go? Rent, school tuition, books, etc... also a large chunk went to getting my car fixed.

33. What did you get really, really excited about? Seeing friends and family, traveling, concerts, holidays, parties, school, my internship... lots of things.

34. What songs will always remind you of 2006? Umm, maybe Gnarls Barkley songs, I also got really into Imogen Heap, the Flobots, and the Calf Branders this year. I also got back into Roman Candle, this band I used to love in college.

35. What do you wish you'd done more of? Hiking, having fun, traveling, camping, being with my friends, making money.

36. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being lame, watching stupid crap on TV, being bored...

37. How will you be spending New Years Eve? I already did spend it with my chicas Kelly, Mel Mel and JT, as well as some people I didn't know and some I sort of knew from back in the day. It was a good party, we did some good dancing, played some beer pong with 15-year-olds, ate tasty food, drank a lot of Andre... made out 3-way stylie when the ball dropped...

38. Did you fall in love in 2006? No, I can't be having that type of shenanigans!

39. What was your favorite TV program? I watched a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel on DVD. I also watched a lot of Scrubs and Objetivo Fama (Telemundo American Idol). I blame Meridian, Mary Anna and David Boreanaz.

40. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Eh, no need to be a hater.

41. What was the best book you read? I really liked The Time Traveler's Wife. Also I re-read a bunch of Harry Potter books, which I always love.

42. What was your greatest musical discovery? Imogen Heap and the Flobots

43. What was your favorite film of this year? I really enjoyed Little Miss Sunshine and Nacho Libre, but I have to say, I didn't really see a whole lot of movies.

44. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Umm, moon boots! Also, I got a sweet new pair of jeans that are actually long enough for me.

45. What kept you sane? Kickin it with my friends, or just relaxing at home. Also, good music.

46. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Fancy, haha... going along with the whole Buffy the Vampire Slayer thing, David Boreanaz. And of course, my usual baby daddys like Juanes, Enrique, Johnny Depp...

47. What political issue stirred you the most? lots, the AIDS crisis, immigration, education, gay marriage, the war in Iraq, environmental issues, minimum wage...

48. Who did you miss? my Maryland peeps and Wake peeps... the ones that aren't here with me! And my AmeriCorps peeps that left me (Eric and Soph-Dog)

49. Who was the best new person you met? I really like Jen and Charlie, I met them this year. I also like my new roomie, Danny! And Mary Anna, my social work friend! Also, I love all my kids and co-workers at the Bridge Project.

50. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

My mind is open and my heart is full
I ain't got any weight that I can't pull
And right now I know that anything is possible

It was a good year, 2006. Word.

Current Mood: hungry
Friday, November 17th, 2006
1:16 am
ah, college-style procrastinating, how i missed you. i haven't procrastinated by writing in livejournal in quite a while. i am burnt out. i can't concentrate. this is the second week of a prolonged period of writing papers, doing projects, and writing more papers. i have almost finished two papers, but i can't seem to motivate myself to polish them off. and i have one more left. i haven't started it at all, and it involves a 15-page outline or something equally painful. it's not that i am uninterested, i am actually interested in all the papers but the last one.

it's just a bad day today. mostly because my roommate dropped the bomb on me that, oh, you know, she's moving out in DECEMBER! ahhhhh!! apparently it is because she has a bad immune system or whatever, and the fact that we don't exactly have the best heating system in our apartment, aka it is kinda cold in here all the time. the thing about this that is weird is that she only actually sleeps here two nights a week. the other five nights, she babysits overnight for this lady who does have heat. it's usually warmer in my room, so i offered that she could sleep in my room on the nights when she is here, but she said no because then it would still be cold in the rest of the house.

so, this basically is going to fuck me. she signed a lease until august, but she is apparently going to tell my landlord that she didn't know about the heat when she signed the lease. no shit, it was summer! i mean, i did mention it to her, it wasn't like i was trying to hide it from her or anything. it's not like she is trying to be a bitch, and she doesn't seem to have any animosity towards me about it, but it is just awkward, and this is really going to suck ass for me, regardless of the outcome. as of now, i have a couple remote roommate possibilities, because i do know of two people i actually know who may want to be moving to Denver from the suburbs. otherwise, i don't know what the hell is going to happen. i can't afford to pay all the rent by myself. i don't really feel like dealing with finding another roommate on craigslist or some other semi-sketchy medium. and i can't break my side of the lease.. besides, i sure as hell don't want to move. i just need a place to live until july or august when i can get this grad school RA-type job and live for free down on campus.

also, unrelated to the roommate thing, but related to my distraction from work... i went on a date with this guy and he wants to keep seeing me, but i don't really have time for such bullshit right now. he's hot and i have a good time with him and all. however, i have been realizing more and more how i don't trust guys and i figure he is just a player and i'm about to get played, if you will. or it could be that our mutual friend says he's not into commitment and not to expect too much. also, when i met him, i assumed he was relatively close to my age. he's not, he's 34! that's old! and so i feel obligated to get my shit done and make a little time to at least see him for a bit this weekend...because i told him i would.. but there are so many less stressful things i could do in that time, like watch a movie with a friend, or sleep... things that don't involve getting dressed up or you know, making an effort of any kind.

and then there is all the stuff in the back of my mind about going home for thanksgiving. i am really excited about seeing family and friends, as well as the ridiculous 5-year high school reunion... but i have to still manage to get my shit together, get from point a to point b, and mentally prepare myself for things like... my drama-rific family, which promises to be impressive this year with some particularly dysfunctional relatives joining us for thanksgiving dinner, or.. the beltway, or the general blast from the past that will be my high school reunion.

wow, i feel better. now i know why they say burnout is a major problem for social workers! it's because they have no money, too much work, and roommates bailing out on them .. at least my actual social work internship is going really well lately. really busy, but really well. i'm really working with individual kids on things now, and the diversity tolerance program i am running with the older kids is taking off.

i think social workers need therapy. or maybe everyone needs therapy. it's like the little fake therapy session i had with a girl from the counseling school. knowing how people have to tape themselves interviewing people for finals (i did it too), i volunteered to help my friend's counseling classmate with hers. it was crazy, i just started talking about all kinds of stuff that is stressing me out. it was sort of weird, but i think just having an excuse to bitch and lay all your shit out on the table without feeling guilty can be refreshing. you don't want to unload shit on your family and friends, but it seems ok to do it on somebody you don't really know who is there to listen to you. maybe that's bad. of course, that makes me wonder if there is even really any skill involved in counseling people... i mean, the more i learn in social work school, the more i think anyone with decent social skills could be plenty effective at helping someone at least feel better by listening to them. anyway... you all just made me feel better by listening to me. i don't even know why i am posting this publicly. usually with things like this i just write it down somewhere or delete it. oh, well. for some reason i am just going to put it out there in the blogosphere. maybe other people are bored and morbidly fascinated with other people's drama like i am. maybe now i can handle attempting to finish some work.

Current Mood: stressed
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